Skip to main content

sticks and stones


As kids we’d respond to teasing, taunting – BULLYING with the nursery rhyme…

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”

Looking back at this as an adult I have to call this little comeback for what it is…BULLSH*T! Excuse my language but that’s the word that comes to mind when I think of this verbal shield we were taught to use as kids.

Yes, its true sticks and stones CAN break your bones but words, they can leave a forever impact especially when used in a negative manner.

As a kid my mother was verbally abusive. I will not go into full details of the things she’d say to me but I will say they are things you should NEVER say to a child; especially your own. I do not know why she would say the things she said to me. I do not know why she made me feel like crap as a kid the the point that I would wish I was never born. This is a hard post for me to type up because as I’m typing the things she’d say to me are rushing to the surface and reopening those old wounds. I’ve mentioned in previous posts that I have a good relationship with my mom these days; I have even used the word great but it has taken years to get to where we are in our relationship. I have spoke to my mom about the hurt she brought me as a kid and it saddens me when she’s responded with things like “Venus, it’s not like you were beaten.” She’s right, she didn’t beat me matter of fact I was probably spanked a handful of times and sadly I remember she once told me “I only hit you cause I love you.” OKAY...I have to ask what kind of message does THAT send to a kid even more so what does that say to a FEMALE child?! ANYWAY back to where what I was leading up to – yes, she never beat me but at times I wish she would have because those bruises would go away. Emotional scars never go away and any little thing can trigger the wounds to reopen.


This post wasn’t meant to bash my mom but rather to bring awareness. Awareness of how fragile kids are. Awareness of how words can cut both young and old like a sword. Awareness of how words can impact us even more so when coming from those we love. 

Mr. G once told me children are sponges and soak up everything they hear. I couldn't agree more with this! For example, if your daughter hears you cutting yourself down about something like your weight – she will mimic that. If you tell your child he or she is stupid or ugly or worthless, etc... they will soak that up and 1. think its okay to speak to others that way and 2. think that they are stupid or whatever negative thing you throw their way and in turn break their spirit. OR what is even worse they will grow up to think it is okay to be treated in such a manor and the cycle will continue in the form of an abusive relationship or on to their own children. I’m sure you’re agreeing with me on my points but at the same point wondering which of these examples apply to me as well as probably thinking “WOW.”


The crap I went through as a kid impacted me in a few different ways.

1. My self esteem sucked and went on to be treated by my exes as my mother had treated me.

2. It made me determined to not treat my children as I was treated

3. It made me strive for success – I had to prove to my mom and myself that I was going to be more than what she thought I’d be. I just wanted her to be proud of me.

4. It inspired me to share my story as a way to show others that we may get knocked down but we can get back up. We all have cracks in us but we have to find our own “glue” to keep us from crumbling into pieces.

5. It taught me forgiveness and to be thankful for all the positives in my life. I forgive my mom for the negatives in my childhood just as I forgive others in my life that have hurt or wronged me. It’s from these experiences I became the woman I am today…these experiences have brought to where I am in my life today. I love my life and thank god everyday for all the blessings I have, from my beautiful children to my amazing husband and close friends. I have moved on from my past and share it in the hopes it can help someone else move on from whatever they are going through or have went through.

I saw something online not too that said something along the lines of “If a man lost an inch of his manhood each time he cheated, maybe he’d think before he did again.” I say that we switch this analogy towards thinking before we speak. What if you lost an inch of your tongue each time you used words to hurt another person – would you still say it?


Thanks for stopping by. I hope you have an amazing day.

XO

V.G.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

mijita

Mijita (mee-hee-ta) - common term of endearment meaning "my small daughter" or more accurately "my dear child".

My grandfather called myself and my 2 cousins mijita growing up (although I know I was his #1, LOL). The nickname has been music to my ears since I was a little girl, everytime he'd call out "mijita" we'd coming running while arguing (even at times pulling eachother's hair) to get there first since we really never knew which one of us he was calling. I lost my grandpa 11 years ago this past April but just because he's no longer walking this earth does not mean he's not still with me daily as cliche as that may sound. My grandpa Tim raised us 3 girls for a few years while our mom's worked on getting their lives together and I have to say those were the BEST years of my life. I have said it time and time again without his influence I probably would not be the woman I am today and for that I am thankful. My life has not been…

Tween Tuesday

The other day driving home from school Beanna told me when she grows up she will have a foster kid (her words). I asked her what made her want a foster child and I have to say her response made me proud. Her reasoning behind wanting to be a foster parent was simple enough..."some kids need a good home and I want to give him or her one." She went on to tell me that one of her friends has a foster sister that the family treats as their own which is important because nobody wants to feel left out just because they're not blood related. I told her I agree completely, that blood isn't always what makes a family but rather the love we have for one another.
B and I talked quite a bit on the foster child subject with her pointing out that it's not a child's fault that they end up with "bad parents" and get taken away because after all they didn't ask to be born. This discussion left me warm and fuzzy. My daughter is wise beyond her years when it comes …

Follow Friday

Happy Friday!!
i thought I’d use today to share a few of the blogs that I enjoy reading when I get some down time and maybe you will to. Let me know which blogs you visited and what you thought!
Enjoy your weekend :)
XO VG!

www.raisedbyculture.com I LOVE Xenia! I have known her for close to 11 years and consider her to be my blogging mentor as well as my inspiration to start this blog. Her blog is anything and everything family and definitely a place to visit if you’re a mommy. So with that said, take a minute to stop by and say hi – I promise you you’re not only going to love her but you’re going to fall in love with her adorable kiddos!

www.3twentysix.com Ari posts a little bit of everything on her blog from TV to music to cool apps and book reviews mixed in with bits of silliness. I promise you’ll find something of interest there if not you will at least get to enjoy some pictures of her furkids.

www.topstitch.org Yoyo is my crafty friend with a heart of gold. I love visiting he…